Do you find yourself constantly arguing with your significant other or family members? They may be calling you on your behavior because you are quick to anger. You may find it difficult to disagree without having some kind of confrontation. You might avoid asserting your needs or wants because any discussion will usually result in feeling "hot" about the issue. Maybe you are seeing these qualities in your partner. These are all symptoms of anger management issues.
Anger is a normal emotion that we all experience. We are biologically engineered to experience anger as a survival mechanism to keep ourselves and others free from danger. The problem is that while this mechanism was helpful to our ancestors, it is less useful on a daily basis today. Our anger can become easily activated and might be difficult to decelerate and it is rarely needed for our very survival. Further complicating things is that the expression of anger in today’s world has different social implications for women and men and affects our lives and relationships.
As a woman, you may have grown up with an expectation of putting other's needs and happiness first or repressing your opinions when they don't conform with the consensus. Studies have shown that women have a greater tendency to hide feelings of anger and allow it to build or bottle up. This can lead to explosive anger or anger that might seem disproportionate to a given situation. The guilt, embarrassment and shame that follow put women at greater risk of experiencing depression, anxiety and panic. If any of this sounds familiar, you may be dealing with anger management issues.
Conversely, it is often acceptable and even expected for men to express their anger, disagreement and disappointment. Men may learn as boys that acceptance is weakness and that they are expected to take charge and make changes when something is not up to their expectations. Problems occur when, like women, men's anger is overly or frequently enaged. You might find yourself constantly ready to deal with the next irritant or problem. While physical aggression is an obvious problem, anger can manifest in yelling, shouting, saying hurtful things or character assassinations to "win" arguments. Both men and women with anger management issues may seek revenge or obsess on hurting people who they believe have wronged them. If you believe that you or a loved one are dealing with any of these issues, please consider talking with us. Sandy and Carolynb are trained in anger management and skill building. We can help you to identify your triggers and learn to communicate your wants in a productive way so that you will be heard. We help you to understand your thinking, body responses to anger and examine how your experiences can help you cope more effectively. We will support you and offer you tools to improve the quality of your relationships.